Sharing the Load: Tips for Siblings Caring for Aging Parents
When it comes to caring for aging parents, siblings often find themselves front and center of the care journey with a range of emotions and responsibilities. Ensuring that caregiving duties are shared fairly can help ease the burden on each family member, fostering a supportive environment for both the caregivers and the senior loved ones.
About 34.2 million Americans have provided unpaid care to an adult age 50 or older, and 15% of them provide care for two adults. Caregiving is the second-largest factor keeping people out of work, and adult daughters tend to do most of the care. A survey by the Alzheimer’s Association found that while 84% of caregivers would like more support from family, the No. 1 reason others didn’t help is because they felt another family member had already taken responsibility.
Discuss caregiving roles upfront
The best way to prevent this kind of confusion is to discuss caregiving roles and expectations upfront. Today’s lifestyles can make this more difficult than in the past. Siblings often live in different geographic locations, and those who live in the same town as Mom or Dad may end up with most of the responsibilities. Open communication between siblings and parents at the beginning of a care journey can prevent misunderstandings. Some older adults even address caring responsibilities as part of their advance care planning to make sure it doesn’t get overlooked. This worksheet from the National Institute on Aging is a good place to start when thinking about caregiving responsibilities.
At Longevity Income Solutions we understand the family dynamic is a priority. Since we know that each sibling might have their own approach, we start the process with a virtual meeting where each family member has an opportunity to express their thoughts. In addition, we have a care coordinator as part of our team. The care coordinator conducts in-person meetings with the caregiver and the parents, creating an assessment that is a reference guide for the family.
If a care coordinator is not available, here are five tips to help make the process smoother and more manageable.
- Assess each sibling’s strengths
Every sibling brings unique strengths and abilities to the table. One may excel in organizing medical appointments and managing finances, while another might be better suited for providing emotional support or hands-on care. Recognizing and leveraging these strengths can help make the tasks more comfortable for everyone.
- Create a caregiving schedule
Together, the siblings should create a detailed schedule that shows who does what and when. This should prevent any one sibling being overwhelmed. Include who is responsible for which specific tasks on particular days, but be flexible enough to accommodate changes. Regularly review and update when imbalances or new needs arise.
- Use technology for coordination
Our partner Motivity Care offers a digital platform that family members can use to track and record caregiving needs, appointments, medications, and other essentials. Of course, a simple spreadsheet that everyone can see or a texting chain can also be helpful. Use whatever best allows siblings to stay connected, updated, and informed.
- Hold regular family meetings
Old-school family meetings provide an opportunity to actively discuss progress, address concerns, and make adjustments. Scheduled at a convenient time for everyone, these gatherings can happen in-person, as a conference call, or virtually on a video platform. Talking about issues allows everyone’s voice to be heard and hopefully can help surface concerns before they become problems.
- Seek professional help when needed
The demands of caregiving can sometimes become too much for siblings to handle alone. Hiring a professional caregiver or using respite care services can provide much-needed relief and ensure that parents receive high-quality care. Additionally, professional guidance from a social worker or elder care consultant can help navigate complex situations and mediate conflicts.
For siblings who live far away
Not all siblings will be able to show up in person every day to help with caregiving. Siblings who live far away can still play a crucial role in caregiving. For those who need to support from afar, you can:
- Stay connected through regular phone calls, video chats, and emails. Reach out to the caregiving siblings and parent(s) to stay informed and involved.
- Handle day-to-day tasks like finances, medical bills, and insurance matters to ease the burden on siblings who provide in-person care.
- Offer emotional support by listening and offering encouragement to siblings handling the day-to-day duties.
- Provide respite for local caregivers with periodic stays; you’ll also be spending quality time with your parent(s).
Caring for aging parents is a shared journey that requires cooperation, communication, and compassion among siblings. Proactive planning can make the difficult less hard. Remember, caregiving is not just about responsibility; it’s about supporting each other and ensuring the best possible care for all your loved ones.
At Longevity Income Solutions, we help seniors and their families create caregiver solutions and financial strategies to help them pay for caregiving if and when the time comes. We even work with families who are facing immediate care needs to help them create a financial solution that works for them. Contact us for more information.